...I start a blog

AUGUST 8/14

WHAT?! This can’t be. I’m trained in logic, not linguistics. I don’t have time to maintain a blog – I have three kids 5 and under and I’m returning to a part-time teaching position! I’m not a strong enough Christian: I am a sporadic pray-er and Scripture-reader. I’m too emotional – it’ll just be a downer.

I considered starting a blog first out of practicality: my almost 32-year-old husband has been diagnosed with cancer and I need an efficient way to update a lot of people.  To avoid having to tell the complicated story umpteen times to every caring saint out there, blubbering through tears, I can redirect them to the blog.

But God seems to have more in mind.  I don't believe the purpose of this blog is to tell MY story – it's about telling God's story.

If it will be God’s story, I have to get out of the way. Time for some soul-exposure. I don’t have anything really insightful to say. I’ve been a Christian all my life (some of you considered yourselves “born-again” – I might be considered a “born-into” Christian). God has been good to me, and I have many blessings to count. But my faith-life has been stagnant for some time. Yes, I attend church and even Bible studies regularly, and with earnesty; I’ve been schooled at Christian institutions at all stages of my life – grade school, high school, university; I even teach in a Christian high school. But I could be considered a baby Christian. I don’t know my Bible well. I pray, but not a ton. I try to teach my children about God, but sometimes it sounds cliché.  [I added this next part later; the soul was only partially exposed]  I am far from perfect; you see, I have this genetic, malignant condition called sin.  I yell at my kids.  I use words I shouldn't (which get awkwardly parroted out-of-context by toddlers).  I gossip.  I love stuff – materialism: that's my middle name (yeah, I think about clothing in church).  I could write a page-long confession, but I'll stop here. God has placed it on my heart to expose myself, and I believe that it is only in my transparency that you will clearly see God.

So, with trepidation, with scant time, with a lot of nail-biting and soul-searching, I will follow the blog-writing nudge. Ugh. This will be uncomfortable. It won’t always be grammatically correct. It won’t always be updated. It won’t always be theologically sound. And it won’t always reveal a strong faith – as I’ve indicated, it might be blatantly obvious that this lifetime Christian might still be in need of weaning. And it will be raw. Very raw. This isn’t a grab-a-coffee-and-read-this-to-start-your-day blog (warning!). This story is unfolding.  These are not my reflections after the storm has passed; these are my experiences as the storm rages.

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Here we – as in God and I – go... GULP...

To God be the glory.

A note about my referencing: I will often reference Scripture, songs, or devotionals. Just follow the links to understand the context behind my words.

A note to my dear blood-family and close friends: Please do not be offended that I’m sharing so publicly what I would normally share with you in private. There will be lots to share with you in confidence that will not be found on this blog. But this sharing is sometimes easier – it can be done at a time when I’m ready to share it, it can be done without blubbering through tears, and it can be expressed much more clearly in written form. Don’t hesitate to ask how I am doing even if you think I’ve said it all on the blog – I need you to ask. Thank-you for walking so closely with us on this uncomfortable journey. You are gifts from God. I love you.